Why Can’t We All Be Friends?

A few days ago, I published a statement something like “Why can’t we all be friends?” I got a little push back on it, something about White supremacy, I think.

There are a couple of blogs in here about stereotyping and I won’t repeat that here, but the tendency to stereotype people contributes heavily to our inability to be friends. White people will approach a Black man as if he represented everything the White person ever heard or believed about “Black people.” Likewise, a Black person approaching a White person. Some would have you believe that all White people are white supremacists, or that all Black people are violent.

If you know of some Democrats who have lied about something, that doesn’t make all Democrats liars. Same for Republicans. If there are cops who are abusive toward Black people, it doesn’t mean Cops are all racists. If some Black Lives Matter advocates have looted and burned stores, it doesn’t mean Black Lives Matters supporters are all rioters.

Our granddaughter Rachel loves to call her Granny on her new phone and talk on and on about whatever. Yesterday Granny couldn’t talk so Rachel called me. We got to reminiscing about a song we once learned together awhile back. I was teaching some older teens how to lead songs in our a Capella group. One of the things I needed them to understand was that if you are going to lead singing regularly, you need to be able to make a fool of yourself and just plow on, unaffected. Toward that end we all performed “All God’s Creatures Got a Place in The Choir” for the rest of the church after services one Sunday morning. We all made fools of ourselves and considering that done, we would not be embarrassed by mistakes we might make as we led the singing for the church.

The song, “All God’s Creatures…”, has a message very similar to one presented in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 where Paul writes that we are all a part of the body, yet we are all different. We all have different roles. We can no more get along without one member than a body could easily go on without a hand or an eye.

“All God’s creatures got a place in the choir,
Some sing low, some sing higher,
Some sing out loud on the telephone wire,
Some just clap their hands, or paws or anything they got there.”

 Why can’t we all be friends?

 

At the Risk of Being Redundant

When is the last time you disagreed with someone? Are you ever around anyone who has different ideas from yours? Do you work in a place where politics and religion are off base, where you just do not discuss anything that could lead to disagreement? Do you see disagreement as a bad thing? Had you rather appear to agree with something that you really disagree with than to enter a discussion of the disagreement? It might be time to rethink your interactions.

As our country has become more polarized, people have gone to their respective corners in the discussion arena and hunkered down. We often do not want to carry on a discussion or even talk with folks with whom we know we will have a conflict. We may avoid the topics or even avoid the people.

But in that circumstance how will we ever come to peace? We are not able even to “agree to disagree” without a discussion of the issues. Those of us who avoid disagreeable discussions may do so because we believe our opinions are so right and anyone who holds any other opinion is so solidly wrong that there is no point in discussion. That smacks of arrogance.  If we are going to live together in peace, we need to learn how to really listen to each other and try to understand what the other person is thinking.

 

Possible? Plausible? Probable?

 

 

There is some weird thinking going on around us and a lot of it is being passed on to us through conversation. Well, at least for some of us.

If you don’t hear any of it, it might be because you are just not around anyone who thinks differently from you. And if I may, I would suggest you make some new friends. But that is a topic for another day.

If someone, let’s call her Georgia, presents an idea that you instinctively do not like, your instincts may be right. But before you reject it outright ask yourself these three questions:

1.   Is it possible? Is there any scientific reason that the idea could not be true? If it is not possible, then carefully and gently present the evidence to Georgia. If it is possible, then you owe it to Georgia to hear her out. Once you have settled that it is possible, you ask yourself the next question.

2.   Is it plausible? Maybe yes, maybe no. So, this is an argument that could go either way. Assuming your counter argument is likewise plausible, it is time for a sensible discussion, a comparison of evidences.

3.   Is it probable? This is when it passes the 50/50 point. The chance is greater than half that it is true. If you still believe Georgia is wrong, you need to listen to her case anyway. Accept the fact that you might just be wrong.

But here is the most important point. Go into the discussion and come out of it with a conviction that you and Georgia can still be friends. Let’s lose this idea that people who disagree about anything significant can’t be friends. I am not sure where that came from, but it is destructive to our society. And if you are serious about convincing someone of something, you have lost your opportunity to continue your persuasion. 

Reference: Koukl: Tactics