Monday, June 9, 2014

Charlene's Magic Purse

Charlene has a magic purse.  Sometimes she puts stuff in it and it just disappears.  I think it was left here by someone from "somewhere else."  Maybe one of those pockets is in another dimension.  The stuff she puts in there is just "Poof" gone.

And sometimes stuff comes out of there that never went in.  We don't know where that stuff comes from.  Maybe it is a replacement for the stuff that disappears.  You know, like Indians in the closet or something.  Except we ain't never seen no Indians.

I got to thinking about it the night my numbers disappeared.  I got this iPad, see.  And I love it.  Mostly.  Sometimes it drives me crazy.  Like the night it ate my numbers.  Or whatever.  I have used Excell spread sheets for a lifetime.  Made charts and graphs of everything that changed.  I'd watch it and if it changed even a little, I'd Excell it.  But when my laptop died all I had left to do numbers with was my beloved iPad.  I hated it at first.  Couldn't make it work. Til I found what was hidden behind the double click.  I got it to work and put some numbers in it.  I trusted it with my most precious numbers.

You see we run this guest house for the Estes folk.  Jesse is our boss, but Richard is the numbers guy.  I think he's like me.  If you can count it it needs a spreadsheet.  So I've been keeping track of everything we buy.  Paper clips, $800 grocery bills, tires for the Ford, butter, ice, whatever.  And I tally all that up, alongside how much money we got and I send it to Richard.  And now, "Poof."

But maybe even more important is the place I keep all my passwords.  Passwords, entrance keys, code phrases, answers to dumb questions the bank asks.  One time I answered all of a bank's questions with "Memphis."  Daddy's middle name?  "Memphis."  First girlfriend's name?  "Memphis." First pet... You get get it.

You know how many passwords I got?  Everything from Kohl's charge card to three banks, to things like Amazon, Facebook and Twitter.  A page and a half, fine print.  I might as well put away my iPad and my new laptop, go back to paperback books and only talk to people who come to the door.

Well this night in Haiti in June during my malaria episode I was in the kitchen at bedtime  because the Internet was working in there but not in our comfortable sitting room.  I was about to shut it down for the night except for the ebook I was reading and go to bed.  I was going to look at one more thing.  Don't even remember what it was, but I had to look up the password.  And I turned to numbers and "Poof" they were gone.  All the numbers.  Every precious spread sheet.  Gone.  Richard's numbers, passwords, other stuff.  "Poof."

I didn't even try to look for them that night.  Just went on to bed.  Enough is enough.  I had been fighting the Internet connection all day only to discover at the end of the day that it was okay in the kitchen. I didn't have the emotional energy to go looking for my precious numbers.  I just had to hope they were safe somewhere.

Later that night I got to thinking about it and about Charlene's purse.  Here's what I think happened.  My iPad has been in the purse a few times.  I believe it got too close to the portal to another dimension and the portal pocket put some kind of hex on my iPad.  We are in Haiti after all.  I'm just saying.  I think my numbers are somewhere with Charlene's car keys having a grand old time.  Maybe on that big new planet they just discovered that came out of nowhere.  "Poof."

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